I Promise
by LisaDouglas
Summary: Jude seeks to keep a promise she made a very long time ago.
1. It couldn't be

April 12th, 1960

Jude stood, her arms folded, looking out her Briarcliff office window. It was storming and she watched the rainfall fiercely. It was that day again. It came every year, it was inevitable and she couldn't stop it no matter how hard her mind willed her to try...Jude clenched her locket in her hand, running her fingers over it repeatedly. It was a circular locket…it was simply too painful to have it be a heart. She'd had it wrapped around her neck and hidden under her habit for years now, and even she never took a glimpse of what was inside. Never.

Now on this day, a big part of Judy wanted to open it, but another part couldn't bear to look. She was torn. The seemingly tough middle-aged nun, bit her lip, feeling disarmed as a few tears begin to roll down her cheeks. It was uncharacteristic of her to cry. The pain of life had been so harsh she thought she'd stopped a long time ago. Jude sniffled and wiped the tears away gently with the back of her hand and then the tips of her fingers. Now it was all better for appearance sake. She was waiting for someone it had to be.

Jude gave up and opened the locket once she realized the tears weren't going to stop falling unless she met the demand of her most stubborn side. She didn't like doing this. It stressed half of her to the maximum level and gave another part of her such great relief. She sighed mournfully when she saw the old little picture, which had been made old by time but preserved well from being under the glass of the necklace.

"Oh my baby, I wonder how you're doing." She whispered an octave too low for anyone to have heard her even if they'd wiretapped her office. This was something between her and God alone.

Jude turned sharply, startled by a knock at her door. She quickly stuffed the necklace back inside her habit hiding it away from the world once again.

"Come in." She called, sitting back at her desk and putting her glasses on, pretending that she'd been looking at one of the many stacks of papers that lye there.

"Sister Jude." Sister Mary Agnes began, poking her head in the door. "I've brought you the new Sister."

"Fine, send her in." Jude replied somewhat more coldly than usual.

Jude had been carefully contemplating what that particular day met to her as she'd been waiting for Mary Agnes to bring her the new girl. Jude didn't look up as Mary Agnes let the girl in and shut the door behind her, leaving the already intimidated young nun alone with the head of Briarcliff. Jude looked up suddenly to see the girl, who although nervous, smiled sweetly…too sweetly…Jude knew immediately that she was full of complete innocence and that life for her here might not be the easiest.

"Sit down Sister." Jude began, opening the girl's file. The girl sat down quickly, wanting very much to do everything she'd been told to do obediently.

She'd received the file a day or so before but hadn't bothered to look before now. She raised an eyebrow, wondering why they'd possibly decide to send such a young nun to Briarcliff. A mental institution hardly seemed like the place for a girl that was so sweet and who was really still a girl from the looks of it.

Jude was, to say the least, very skeptical about her and didn't think she'd end up keeping her here. She belonged in a convent or an orphanage….or even in a home somewhere, cooking dinner for a husband…but not in a mental institution it just didn't seem quite right. And on top of it all there was something else about her…something that reminded Jude of something, or someone, but she didn't know what…

Nonetheless, Jude began her evaluation of the nun in the way she always did, by reading her file to her and beginning to ask her questions in a manner that suggested she had serious doubts about her placement. This was Jude's standard procedure for new incoming nuns regardless of whether or not doubts even existed.

"Mary Eunice McKee…"

"That's right." Mary Eunice was nervous but had decided to make a wholehearted attempt at being amiable, something, which Jude had already decided counted against her, at least for asylum life…

"It says here you applied to come to the asylum." Jude was curious about this.

Timothy had been her reasoning for choosing this particular assignment and she wondered what this girl could have seen in the concept. It was far from glamorous, or even rewarding. Working with children that's what she thought would be rewarding.

"Why the asylum, a home, a jail even for the mentally ill, for ax murderers…for the most egregious of sinners…why the asylum when you could've gone to an orphanage or even just stayed in the convent?"

"Sister, your not the only one whose questioned my decision…but you see I felt strongly called to work with people who, unlike most children, and church parishioners, need to be saved from themselves."

Jude thought this was an interesting answer. The girl was indeed young; didn't she realize that everyone needed to be saved from themselves? Her included.

"I can understand a calling Sister." Jude began. She was preparing to refute. "But, it says here you only became a nun a year ago…your 25…"

"No. 26 now." Mary Eunice smiled at the correction.

"Ah yes, born April twel…fth,1934…."

Jude stopped very suddenly as she read the birth date back to her and just paused, careful to show no real reaction beyond stopping. It just couldn't be? Could it? Jude put her paper down and took off her glasses, looking back up into Mary Eunice's eyes, deciding to look over the girl again. Mary Eunice watched Jude carefully, wondering if she thought she'd seen her somewhere before. Jude's investigation left her feeling melancholy and stunned at the same time. She reasoned that it just couldn't be. At the same time, she was unsure if she'd be able to speak now.

"Your birthday is today?" She managed.

"Yes." Mary Eunice was happy about this. She liked birthdays. Jude paused again to search Mary Eunice's face.

"I think we're going to get along just fine." She said suddenly. God worked in mysterious ways, there was always the chance that it could be, after all.

Mary Eunice beamed, she didn't think this 'interview' had been going well so far and was sure she'd be rejected. At the same time, she had a calling to be here and she knew God would make a way.

"Sister Mary Agnes!" Jude called.

"Yes Sister Jude." The third nun opened the door.

"Take Sister Mary Eunice to her new room and once she's settled in, take her to get acquainted with a patient, a gentle one…perhaps Pepper."

"Very well." Mary Agnes said. "Come along Sister Mary Eunice."

Mary Agnes turned and left, expecting Mary Eunice to follow her. Mary Eunice scurried to the door excitedly. Jude would've wondered how anyone could be so happy to be there it was just unnatural, but she was consumed with her own thoughts.

"Thank you Sister! I promise I'll do a good job." Mary Eunice said, she was about to shut the door.

"Sister Mary Eunice come along we don't have all day." Jude could her Mary Agnes call from down the hall.

"Oh!" Mary Eunice seemed torn between obeying Mary Agnes and thanking Jude. "Thank you again!" She said uneasily and closed the door, leaving Jude alone with the rain again.

Jude stood and crossed to the window again. She enjoyed the rain, it allowed her soul to feel a little freer and let her think things out, although she'd never known why. Jude pulled out her necklace again and opened the locket, taking another look at the tiny little picture.

"No. It couldn't be." She whispered. "Oh yes, yes it could..."


	2. Have you finally made a way?

Chapter 2- Have you finally made a way?

_**April 15**__**th**__**, 1934 Boston**_

"Oh hello my little baby Rosie." Judy smiled. She was always delighted whenever a nurse brought the baby in to see her.

"Judy." Mrs. Martin frowned at the scene. She hated to do this, it wasn't like she really wanted to get rid her grandchild. And worse, she didn't want her daughter to get too attached to the three-day-old baby and she thought she was. "We have to talk about the baby."

"Not right now Mother." Judy dismissed her. She'd hoped to reopen the discussion of keeping the infant girl. Judy could see such supreme love in the baby's eyes already and didn't want to part from her.

"Alright but you know…sooner or later, right?" She wanted to make sure that Judy was aware of what was going to happen. Judy swallowed nervously when she said this, she knew there would be no more discussion about it.

"I know. Mother can I just…." She asked, just staring down at the baby.

"Yes of course." Mrs. Martin said, deciding to respect her daughter's wishes.

She left the room and Judy relished the space: she'd wanted to be alone with her baby. Judy studied the newborn carefully. She was so happy it had been a girl: a sweet little thing with the blondest hair she'd ever seen.

"You're going to go live with other people my Rose…I'm so sorry." Judy cried. "I don't have a choice…believe me," She paused, wiping away a tear, she'd told herself she wasn't going to cry but she couldn't help it. "If I had a choice I'd keep you forever…but I'm just a child too…they won't let me have a choice.

I'm your Mother… but that doesn't mean I get what I want, that they respect my wishes as your Mother. It doesn't mean I get to have you angel. They won't respect that I know its best for you to be with me. They may be able to take you now, but I promise I'll come find you. I'll make a life and I'll get you. Whatever it takes. I promise. Cause we're met to be together and I know that without a doubt."

Judy lye her forehead against the baby's and sighed, the newborn smiled at the nurturing feel of her mother's forehead pressed against her own. The baby, Rosie, didn't know or understand the concept that her mother was a teenaged girl and she didn't care.

"I love you my child, if there was only a way…please God, make a way for us to be together." Fifteen-year-old Judy wasn't particularly religious, but she thought He might hear and have mercy when everyone else was being so cruel to her about this.

"Judy," one of the nurses stuck her head in the door, interrupting the scene between the young girl and her baby. "The people from the orphanage are here."

"Oh…" Judy paused. "I'm not ready yet I'm sorry." She'd thought they were coming tomorrow.

"I'm sorry Judy, it has to be now." This nurse was only a few years her senior and had been sympathetic to her, some of the others weren't quite as nice.

"Oh, but please, we were just in the middle of…"

"I'm sorry Judy, we need to take her now." Another said.

"No." She replied, holding the baby close.

"Judy its time." The older nurse, Norma, the one who had no tolerance for her and thought of her as a whore, came in the room.

"I said no. I'm not ready, please!" She begged. The baby began to fuss at all the noise in the room. "Sweetheart it's alright." Judy soothed, rocking the fussing baby calmly.

Judy felt outnumbered when more people began to pour into the room, including a woman from the orphanage. Nonetheless she decided she'd stand her ground until the end.

"She's my baby and I'm not ready to give her up." Judy cried even as she felt Norma begin to grasp the baby and successfully pulled her from Judy's grasp just a little bit.

"Judy let go!" Norma commanded.

"Give me back my baby!" Judy lurched forward and maintained her grasp on the sobbing newborn. "You don't have the right to take her!"

Judy wrapped her arms around the baby, almost in a hug. It was then that the other nurses all stepped in and began to grab her arms, attempting to pull her away from her own infant daughter.

"I'm sorry Rosie my love." Judy was sobbing now too. "But I promise I'll see you again, I promise God will make a way for you and I to be together. I love you I'm so, so sorry." She kissed the child's forehead as she sobbed mournfully.

"Well Judy perhaps if you'd had the self restraint to wait until you were old enough to keep your baby..." Norma began.

Judy wanted in the worst way to lunge at Norma and beat her senseless. Instead, she kept her grasp on her little baby as long as she could. The infant screamed as she was slowly and harshly pried out of her mother's arms. Judy knew Rosie was confused, and scared, but that she'd been fine in her arms and that made her feel guiltier.

It took a matter of seconds for Norma to take her child away forever but it was a long, anguishing process. Judy held on as long as she could and one day she'd reflect on the experience as having been similar to giving birth all over again: except this time she wasn't giving her life, she was just being forced to send her off into the hands of fate.

"Rose! Please don't take my baby Rosie! Please!" Jude attempted to stand up in bed and run after Norma as she made her way toward the door with the shrilling infant in her arms, instead she was held back by four nurses, all of whom, were not much older than herself. "Let me go! Let me have my baby!" She screamed.

Judy clutched her fists together, her empty hands and arms felt like the biggest weight in the world to her. Judy slammed down her fist and found that it hit her desk with a loud thud.

Jude looked around, finding that she was once again at Briarcliff. That experience, of having her newborn daughter wrenched from her arms came back to her from time to time as a haunting, and all too real memory. Jude sniffled and dried the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks, realizing that she was crying. Her thoughts turned to the young nun who'd left her office just minutes before. Mary Eunice had the same birthday, was the same age, had that beautiful blonde hair and those great big eyes that had just amazed her way back when…she was adopted, according to her file…it had to be her…

"Oh Father…" Judy began, addressing her God in one of the more personal ways she knew how as she opened her drawer and took out a tiny baby's cap that was worn, not from use, but from years of having been cried on. It had donned Rosie's tiny head in the first days of her life. "Have you finally made a way?"

The next morning, Jude would unseal Mary Eunice's adoption records at the orphanage and find out for sure.


	3. In Your Time

Chapter 3- In your time

Jude had been at the orphanage for about an hour now, on her hands and knees searching for Mary Eunice's adoption records, and those of her own baby's too. She'd promised the nun who ran the orphanage's office that she'd only be there a few minutes but the search was taking longer than she'd originally anticipated. It was not only a nerve-wracking task but also an emotionally agonizing one for Jude.

She opened the first drawer for the letter 'M,' stopping herself as thoughts of doubt flooded her mind. She wanted to find her daughter more than anything but she was afraid of what she might find in that cabinet…or of what she might not find. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, gathering her strength for the task ahead.

"You have to do this, if you want to find baby you have to, you promised you would." She said, convincing herself she was doing the right thing.

Jude opened her eyes and tried to let go of the overwhelming sense of trepidation she felt. Of course she wanted to find her daughter: more than anything in the world… She didn't know where she was, or what she'd become after 26 years. Would their reunion be one that was welcomed? Would Rosie, whoever she was now, hate or resent her? Would she want her or reject her? Jude didn't know if she could stand rejection: she loved her too much…but ultimately, she knew she had to find her and tell her the truth: that she hadn't given her up willingly; they'd been stolen away from each other.

Jude tucked away her fear and began feverishly, but carefully searching for a file labeled: Rose Martin. It seemed like the most logical place to begin and so she forced herself to start there. Jude's heart sunk and she let out a barely audible cry when she discovered there was nothing there for a Rose Martin…or anyone named Martin at all. How would she ever find her if there was no starting point? If the baby wasn't Mary Eunice, Rose Martin's file would be the only way to trace her daughter and without it all hope was lost….

Something inside Jude began to hurt and she could feel the whole room closing in on her as she spiraled into a state of panic. She held her face in her hands, lowering her eyes to the ground and began to cry. It was unlike her, but she couldn't help it. This was the end of the line and she'd failed. She had no idea how long she sat there, on her knees, trying in vain to keep it together. The idea of finding her daughter had always given her hope. Without that possibility she could see a future where she slipped away and lost her mind, perhaps becoming a patient at Briarcliff herself. What else was there to stay sane for?

Jude's mind wanted instead, to seek an alternate reality. One where she'd been allowed to keep her baby, and cared for her regardless of what anybody thought, where she'd made a life for them and finally found her a Daddy…and where no matter what, she'd had someone to love her and she'd been allowed to do what was best for the baby: raise her herself.

Jude sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She couldn't live in the 'what ifs'…and she certainly couldn't live in an alternate reality. She took another deep breath, realizing that she was overreacting and that there was still Mary Eunice. Sometime, somewhere, she reasoned, someone had longed for baby Mary Eunice.

Jude didn't yet have Mary Eunice's adoption records, but she didn't need it to have a strong hunch that the young nun was her baby. There were too many similarities between her and what she imagined Rosie would be like: the birthday was the same, she exuded the same sweetness, her nose and blonde hair were the same as Rosie's, Mary Eunice had her mother's (Jude's mother's) smile…and that laugh. The laugh was uncanny. Jude just about passed out the first time she heard it, it was like she'd been catapulted into another time. Mary Eunice had the laugh of the seventeen-year-old boy Jude had fallen in love with years before, the boy who'd fathered her Rosie…At the same time, Jude could not just trust that it was her. What were really the odds of that anyway? A million to one, something like that? Jude thought about this all as she continued her fervent search for the young nun's file.

"Please God…." She begged under her breath. "In your time Lord, let me find my baby. Please…"

Jude couldn't stand the suspense and thumbed quickly but carefully through the files. Martin to McKee…it wasn't a long way to go but getting there seemed like forever. Jude went through and looked at every file that she thought might be one of theirs, anything with similar spelling, or that had been done the same year, she even looked under the father's last name….she couldn't let anything be lost in translation, she was too desperate for that.

Just as soon as she'd reached the McKee file and picked it up, she heard the nun who kept the records at the orphanage enter the room. She was older and highly suspicious as to why Jude was there looking through records, although she had no authority to question her and didn't do so directly. She reminded Jude of the nurse who'd pried Rosie from her arms many years before and she wished she could punch the daylights out of her.

"Sister, I thought you said you'd only be a few minutes?" She inquired, sticking her head in the door.

Jude's hands were trembling, she held the McKee file in her hand finally and was dying of expectation, excitement and fear…the last thing she needed right then was to be bothered.

"I'll be just a few more moments." She urged harshly. The older nun sneered and walked out, shutting the door.

"You just want your bit of gossip don't you Sister?" Jude muttered under her breath. She had suspected for along time now, that her former state as an unwed teenaged mother was no secret to many of the older nuns in the diocese.

Without a moment to loose Jude double-checked the top of the file, which read: McKee, Mary Eunice….Mary Eunice wasn't the name she'd received upon confirmation, according to her file? It was her real name too? Jude drew a breath, almost rolling her eyes. She needed some light humor right then and that was certainly something…unusual. Jude held her breath as she opened the file, a mess of documents and pictures spilled onto her lap. She grasped desperately for the tiny photograph that slipped off her lap and onto the floor.

"Rosie….oh my Rosie…" Jude was almost frozen now, almost in disbelief. Inside the file had been a picture of her newborn daughter, Rosie.

Even thought she didn't need to, Jude clumsily pulled her locket out of her habit just as she'd done the day before, this time hurrying to open it up and look at the baby picture inside. She put the two photographs side by side for comparison: they were identical, copies of the same photograph, taken the morning before the baby was stolen from her…it was a picture taken right in her arms and only hours after she'd given birth.

"Rosie…oh my baby Rosie." Jude cried, clutching the necklace.

Although her eyes were transfixed on the tiny picture, she broke away to look at the birth certificate. She'd signed one right away, in the hopes that it might somehow help her keep the infant, which it had not…but it would help her now.

Although she already knew without a doubt that she was right, Jude thought her heart might stop when she read her own name written on the bottom of the certificate where it said: Mother…in the upper right hand corner, the baby's name Rose Martin was there. So that's why Rose had no file…because Rose and Mary Eunice were one in the same after all. Jude read the rest of the file as quickly as she could: finding the adoption records, and the change of name record that the adoptive parents had petitioned for when they adopted her: Renaming her Mary Eunice McKee…Jude cringed at this for a moment…the 26 year old wasn't Mary Eunice, but Rose.

She took a breath and calmed herself. She'd come to realize over the years, that there were things she'd have to accept when she found her daughter again and one was that she'd not be Rose anymore. Jude supposed that although she gave the baby another name, she liked Mary Eunice too…and it didn't really matter. All she wanted was her baby, no matter what her name was.

"Oh Lord, Lord…thank you!"

…

Jude wondered how she'd ever face Mary Eunice that evening. It wasn't enough for her to just know the truth. Now she didn't know how long she could keep it from her, if she could stand looking at her every day without taking the step to forge a connection. It was late by the time she got back and she made her way to the dining hall where every one else was congregated.

"Sister, Sister!" Jude turned when she heard one of the younger nuns call from behind. She was out of breath and had been running, trying to catch up with her.

"Sister, what's wrong?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at Sister Mary Catherine.

"It's Sister Eunice."

"S-Sister Eunice? Mary Eunice?" Jude questioned, looking for clarification.

"Yes. Mary Eunice, the new girl. She's in the infirmary."

"Why, what's the matter with her?" Jude tried hard to remain calm, but on the inside she was in a state of panic now. Something had happened to Mary Eunice?

"Yes Sister, she was attacked by a patient…"

"Who?" Jude asked angrily, Sister Mary Catherine thought Jude's tone was more normal now that she was growing angry.

"It was..."

"I don't care whoever they are, put them in solitary." Jude demanded, turning and beginning to walk toward the infirmary. Sister Mary Catherine rushed after her. "B-but Sister e…"

"Solitary Sister." She said firmly. "You attack a member of my staff, you'll be punished accordingly." Jude informed, leaving Sister Mary Catherine behind as she picked up her pace.

She wasn't far from the infirmary now. She wished she would've asked how badly Mary Eunice had been injured, how it had happened, any of the details, but that could wait. For now, she just wanted to get to her and see her.

"S-sister Jude?" The nurse sitting at the desk at the infirmary was startled to see her come in…would she really have come all this way to see Mary Eunice? Knowing Sister Jude, that seemed unlikely, but Mary Eunice was currently the only patient.

"I'm here to see Sister Mary Eunice." She quickly informed, out of breath from having rushed there from almost the other side of the institution.

"Well her condition is…"

"Don't tell me how she's doing…just take me to her." She urged.

The nurse brought her along quickly, having understood from the elder Sister's demeanor that she was both angry and in a hurry. She was perplexed, but didn't question the demands and motives of her superior.

"She's stable, but sleeping." She informed.

"What happened?" She curtly inquired, taking back the previous command that she didn't want to know what had happened.

"It's my understanding she was attending to a patient who was in the midst of a rage: a schizophrenic. All she was doing was trying to serve lunch. You know her, she's new, she's young…she doesn't know what to watch for, what to stay away from…yet."

Jude allowed herself to almost plop down on the edge of Mary Eunice's bed and took her hand in her own as she slept. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she observed her daughter's battered face.

"You see that's why a young girl like this doesn't belong in an asylum." Jude muttered. "Leave us Sister, I'd like to be alone to…to pray over Sister Mary Eunice."

"Very well Sister Jude." The nurse, who was also a nun, smiled and departed from the room, leaving Jude alone with her unconscious daughter.

"Oh my poor baby." Jude muttered, barely above a whisper.

It hurt Jude to see her like this. She took the back of her hand and traced it over the great big gash on Mary Eunice's cheek, beginning to cry as she noted that her daughter's face and arms were bloody and bruised. This was not how she'd imagined being reunited with her child, and that thought alone made her even angrier with the patient who'd done this.

Jude ran her fingers through Mary Eunice's blonde hair, allowing her hand to just linger there as she savored the touch of her child…she'd known it would turn out just like this; that this was not the place for Mary Eunice. She'd had a rough time since she arrived because she was too soft for this kind of work. At this point, Jude would turn away any other young nun who'd had similar experiences. But this was different. She couldn't push her baby out the door just when she'd found her again: she couldn't bare that…so instead she'd protect her, favor her, coddle her, make things easy for her…both with patients and the other nuns.

It was also then that she decided on the final punishment for whoever it was that had done this to her daughter: a severe caning. Jude smiled; she'd leave them so bloody and bruised in retribution that they'd never attack anyone again, especially not at Briarcliff. Mary Eunice stirred at Jude's touch and the older nun quickly pulled her hand away.

"I heard you had an incident today." Jude whispered, surprising Mary Eunice as she opened her eyes. Mary Eunice had thought Sister Jude would be angry that a patient lashed out at her this way and was scared that she was there.

"Y-yes sister." Mary Eunice hesitated, showing her nerves and allowing tears to roll down her cheeks. Jude noted her nervousness and pulled the young nun into a hug, beginning to dry her tears.

"Shu, shu it's alright. There, there…." She soothed.

Mary Eunice was surprised. This was certainly not how Sister Jude had been described by the other nuns. She'd expected an extra punishment for allowing this to happen, not affection and comfort. Mary Eunice was not only shocked, but touched: she wasn't used to being hugged like this when she was scared or upset. She smiled, allowing the older nun to wipe away her tears.

"Sometimes things like this just happen." Jude comforted.

"No one's ever done that for me before." Mary Eunice couldn't help but say.

"Beat you up?"

"N-no, just…"

"Just?" Jude wanted to know.

"Hug me when I cried." Mary Eunice wished she wouldn't have said. It was embarrassing and none of Jude's business.

"Oh? Didn't you have a-a Mother or a sister or…" Jude was fishing for an answer. She reached over into the large bowl of cold water on the nightstand beside them and began to prepare a wet washcloth for the young nun's blood encrusted forehead. Mary Eunice hesitated, not knowing what to say, she hadn't met to say anything like that.

"I was adopted." She began. Jude swallowed, wringing out the washcloth, squeezing it tight as a means to relieve the tension she felt in the moment. It was very hard for her to hear this but she knew she had to. "I got adopted into a big family, a lot of siblings, not a lot of individual attention…nurturing." Mary Eunice covered, not wanting to disclose the full reality of her situation.

"I'm sure your Mother…your birth mother, really did want you very much."

Jude could barely get this out without crying and only said it because she longed to tell Mary Eunice how much she had wanted her. Mary Eunice paused, biting her lip; her birth mother was something she'd always longed to find out about.

"There, lay back down." Jude soothed.

Mary Eunice obeyed as Jude began to push her back into her pillows, gently placing the cold washcloth she'd prepared on her forehead.

"There, how are you feeling?" Jude inquired.

"Sister?" Mary Eunice questioned, examining Jude's face closely.

"Yes?" Jude was surprised to be asked something now.

"N-nothing." Mary Eunice was suddenly embarrassed to air this realization of hers.

"It's alright, what were you going to say?" Jude seemed to be growing exasperated.

"N-nothing, its just that…you remind me of someone."

"Oh? Who?" Jude smiled.

"I don't know. It's like something I can't place or grasp, or even remember..." Mary Eunice didn't want to go on. She was confused and didn't know what to think. She recalled that Jude had looked at her this same way when she'd first arrived, like she knew her from somewhere…and the more Mary Eunice thought about it herself, the more she realized that she too sensed a profound familiarity with the older nun. "It's like…"

"I know what you mean." Jude told her, wanting to say something more, but knowing that now wasn't the best time. "I think its time you get some rest now sister." She recommended.

"Okay." Mary Eunice agreed, settling into her pillows as the Jude crossed the room to leave. "Sister Jude?"

"Yes?" She asked, looking back.

"Good night."

"Good night sister. Get some rest. You've got a lot of healing to do."

Jude walked out into the hall, leaving Mary Eunice happy with the fact that she thought she'd finally began to make a friend at Briarcliff. Jude smiled to herself; having seen and talked to her daughter lifted a weight from her soul.

"Can you believe that new sister?"

Jude stopped in the hallway just before getting to the reception area when she heard her daughter being mentioned. She could hear three nuns talking and she knew just who they were: Thomas, O'Brian and Kennedy, the three had no clue she was there and listening.

"Yeah, I mean, we all knew that she was a dope, but getting attacked like that just while serving lunch." Another cackled.

"I sure hope Sister Jude fires her…reason: being stupid." Another laughed.

Jude's eyes narrowed as she listened to these nuns. What place did nuns have talking like this anyway, especially about one of their own? She supposed it was no different than the subtle reprimands given to her by the orphanage nun that morning. That woman had known why she was there, the difference was, and she could take care of herself and she didn't care. Mary Eunice was sensitive and defenseless, and Jude realized that this was one of those areas where she'd have to do the defending.

"That's it alright. Mary Eunice is just plain stupid."

"You know." Jude began, sneaking into the room as quietly as possible. A slight smile spread across her lips as the three young nuns jumped and turned to face her, clearly horrified that they'd been overheard.

"Sister I…" One tried to explain.

"Silence!" Jude commanded. "I'll have no tolerance for gossip or slander here, particularly for your fellow sisters."

"But Sister, we…"

"Stop! One more but and it will be a caning for all of you! Sins of the tongue

are not befitting of servants of God! Mary Eunice was assigned to the toughest of the kitchen tasks: serving the most mad of our residents here at Briarcliff and you all know that…but since all of you nurses think that kitchen duty is so easy," Jude knew it really wasn't, it was the type of thing where you were likely to get pushed spit on and otherwise harassed, "you'll be spending your own breaks and free time serving meals to patients for the next month."

"But Sister…"

"And you'll spend our own meal times serving to the rest of us. Have a good evening sisters." She smiled as she walked back out of the room. "Except you O'Brian…I told you one more 'but Sister'," she mimicked, "and it's a caning for you!"


	4. The Right Hand Nun

Chapter 4- The Right Hand Nun

"Stop!" Jude warned sternly, Mary Eunice thought her tone here sounded more like the Jude she'd been hearing so much about. "One more but and it will be a caning for all of you! Sins of the tongue are not befitting of servants of God! Mary Eunice was assigned to the toughest of the kitchen tasks: serving the most mad of our residents here at Briarcliff and you all know that…but since all of you nurses think kitchen duty is so easy you'll be spending your own breaks and free time serving meals to patients for the next month."

"But Sister…"

"And you'll spend your own meal times serving the rest of us. Have a good evening sisters. Except you O'Brian, I told you one more 'but sister' and it's a caning for you!"

Mary Eunice rolled over onto her side as she listened to Sister Jude reprimand the three nurses who'd been caring for her, but teasing her the entire afternoon. She was used to the subtle jabs from her fellow nuns now and would never complain about it. It wasn't much different from the treatment she received from her many adopted siblings and everyone she'd gone to school with: she could live with it. But she was perplexed with the notion that Sister Jude was so willing to come to her comfort and aid…almost as if she desired to do so.

"No Sister, please…" Sister O'Brian begged.

"That's another for begging!"

Mary Eunice flinched when she heard the door slam. Another for begging? That was harsh…and kind of uncalled for. Mary Eunice curled up into a ball, hugging her legs for comfort. She winced. It ached to comfort herself in this way but she needed the hug… She didn't know what to make of the fact that Jude would be so sweet to her and so horrible to one of her fellow nuns. Five minutes ago she'd been overjoyed at the idea of having a friend here and now she only worried about what made her different. Was it true; was she too stupid to be held to the same standard?

Two Days Later

Mary Eunice was glad to get out of the infirmary. She was still sore and tired from her ordeal, but she grew restless after a day of lying in bed with nothing to do but sleep. She was looking forward to getting back into some type of normal routine when she put on her habit that morning…that was until Sister Mary Agnes came in and informed her that she needed to be upstairs in Sister Jude's office at precisely nine-thirty.

'Oh great.' Mary Eunice thought. 'What could she want with me now?'

Perhaps the compassion Jude had showed the other night was simply a façade and she'd get her caning this morning as the other nuns had. She knew there had to be a catch or something more to the treatment she'd been receiving.

"Come in." She heard Jude call almost cheerfully as she began to knock on her office door.

"G-good morning Sister." Mary Eunice said shyly as she entered Jude's office.

"Good morning." Jude smiled. "Are we feeling better this morning?"

"Yes, thank you, Sister." She nodded.

"Good. Well sit down, and we'll get to the matter of why you're here."

Mary Eunice nervously took a seat in the chair facing Sister Jude's desk. If this wasn't about a caning then she could not for a moment imagine why she'd be called there.

"A job opportunity has opened up." Jude began.

'Oh no.' Mary Eunice thought. 'I knew it, she's going to send me away…perhaps its just as well…'

"And when it came up, the first person I thought of was you."

"M-me?"

"You. I've been watching you, you're bright, attentive…" Jude came around to the front of her desk and sat on its edge, facing Mary Eunice.

"With all due respect Sister…ask around…I'm thought of as anything but bright. In fact my direct supervisor…"

"Hush. I'm your direct supervisor now. As a matter of fact I'd like you to be my personal assistant. My right hand nun."

"M-me?"

"You."

"W-why me?"

"I just told you; now will you take the job or not Sister?"

"Yes, yes I will." Mary Eunice was happy, she'd never really been chosen for anything before: thought of. And while she was apprehensive, something inside, she wasn't sure what, pushed her to accept gladly.

"Good. You can start now." She said, turning to go through some papers on her desk. "Here, mail this. It goes to the personnel department of the diocese, notifying them of your promotion."

"But Sister, I'm not allowed to go to the mailroom because…"

"Never mind that Mary Eunice." Jude said pausing to lick a second envelope she was going to hand over. "You can go wherever you like now. You have access to every part of Briarcliff, and to everything that I have access to: different offices, even at other institutions, halls of records…" Records…did she just say church records?! Mary Eunice was elated to hear this, she smiled, hoping she wasn't blushing or anything. Sister Jude had just given her the greatest gift in the world and she didn't even know it! If she had access to halls of records it might be possible for her to find her family! Her _real_ family! "And of course you'll be getting your own room….Sister…"

"Hum…?"

"Mary Eunice were you listening?" Jude raised an eyebrow, it was clear she was annoyed.

"Sorry I…"

"No apologies needed. I was saying you'll be getting your own room, third floor, but we'll talk about that later. For now, take these to the mailroom."

"Thank you Sister this is just…"

"And one more thing." Jude began, ignoring her display of gratitude and instead venturing on to the next task at hand. "I'm going to be going on a convention in New York next week, would coming along with me be a problem?"

"No Sister, not at all." Mary Eunice had always wanted to go to New York and had never been.

"Good." This pleased Jude. "We'll talk about it at dinner tonight, promptly at 8 just the three of us."

"The three of us?" Mary Eunice was confused, wondering who the third dinner guest could be and why they would be eating so late, after the other nuns.

"Yes. I'd like you to come and meet the Monsignor Timothy Howard."

"Oh." Mary Eunice exclaimed. In her short time there, she'd ascertained that Jude and the Monsignor were close. "I'd love to Sister." Mary Eunice was a little star struck by this idea. "T-thanks, I'll see you l-later."

Jude sighed as soon as Mary Eunice left the office. She almost couldn't believe that had gone so well. Part of her didn't think Mary Eunice would take the job and now that she had, she felt she could relax. It would be easier to protect her this way…and to come to know her too. This entire thing was wholly satisfying for Jude. Now not only was she going to be able to get closer to her daughter, but tonight she would introduce him to the man in her life…well, the closest thing she had to one…

…..

"This is delicious sister." Timothy complimented.

Mary Eunice watched amazed, trying not to stare as the Monsignor talked with his mouth full. In fact he was stuffing his face. She'd never really met him before in person and she revered him: he was a dignified almost inhuman figure to her. But now, at the dining table, he was much like any other normal man…and it eased her nerves a lot not just about proximity to him…but about everything, including her newfound relationship with Sister Jude. That was the other thing about the evening she found surprising. Mary Eunice had expected the evening's meal to be fully catered by a crew consisting of her fellow nuns: probably O'Brian and the rest who'd made fun of her the other night. Instead, Sister Jude had made the dinner…or, what was more like a feast herself.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it Father." Jude smiled.

Mary Eunice had at first not felt comfortable being part of this, but had been encouraged to socialize, so she interjected:

"It's really great Sister. But, what is it?" She took another bite. It was scrumptious and she couldn't get enough of it, but had never seen or eaten anything like it before.

"It's Coq Au Vin." Timothy explained. "Our very talented chef Sister Jude makes it for me nearly every Friday night and it's my favorite."

Jude blushed when he said this, but it went unnoticed by Timothy, who turned his attention back to the meal. Mary Eunice took note but tried to hide it as well…was she….did Sister Jude like him? It sure seemed that way to Mary Eunice.

"Sisters, would you like…" Timothy began as he started to pour some red wine for himself.

"No. No." Jude laughed. "No thank you for either of us Father…"

"N-no thank you." Mary Eunice thought she'd better refrain, given that Jude seemed to be insisting that she do so.

"Oh Jude it's not required that you free yourself of all indulgences." Timothy offered kindly.

"Well…we do have a trip coming up Father." Jude reminded.

"Oh that's right." He recalled, taking another bite. "The Nun's leadership conference in New York. Have you been to New York Sister Eunice, I'm sure you'll love it."

"No, no I haven't yet Father." Mary Eunice replied.

Jude was overjoyed that Timothy and Mary Eunice were getting along so well so far. She smiled bitter sweetly to herself as she watched them talk for a moment. In another life the three of them could've easily been a family sitting down to dinner together: Timothy could've been the father she'd found for Mary Eunice…and from the way this evening was going, she knew he would've been a very, very good one. This idea only made her sad and she shook off the thought, reinvesting herself into what the two of them were discussing.

"Don't be afraid to have a good time when you're in New York." Timothy advised. "Not all fun is sin. Isn't that right Sister?" He asked, looking back up at Jude, almost mocking her for her conservatism on this matter.

"Father, what is sin if not foolhardiness?"

"You think too much Sister." Timothy laughed. "You really should do something fun with your time, go see a play, go ice skating…something…I know you'll be extra busy when you return."

"Why?" Mary Eunice asked.

"Not this again." Jude was upset. Mary Eunice looked back and forth between the Monsignor and Jude. "Mary Eunice…the Monsignor and I have been having…a bit of a debate on whether or not we're getting a new faculty member."

"Oh?"

"Yes and I told you Jude, there are a lot of benefits to this."

"I just don't think Briarcliff is a place for a man of science…or a place for research to be conducted for that matter."

"You don't like the candidates I've chosen." He teased.

Jude was upset with this jab.

"No I don't..."

"Well there's no need to worry Sister. We've chosen one. And he'll arrive during your time in New York."

"One what? What's he going to do?" A confused Mary Eunice asked, looking back and forth between an amused Timothy and an annoyed Jude once more.

"You were in the infirmary the past few days Sister, didn't you notice that there was something missing?" Jude inquired.

"Y-yeah…come to think of it there was no doctor…" Mary Eunice didn't know why she hadn't realized this before, and now that she had she realized how strange the whole idea was.

"That's right. But there's no need to worry about that any further. You won't hate him so much Jude. In fact I hope you and Arthur will get along just fine."

….

Mary Eunice felt a little lost since she became Sister Jude's right hand nun. She had more responsibility now and was learning a lot. At the same time, she was a lot more isolated from the other nuns. They no longer mocked her as much because they feared her authority and Sister Jude's wrath. Mary Eunice was blown a way by the power she held now and tried hard not to dwell on it. Nonetheless, there was one privilege she couldn't quite get out of her head: her ability to go and look at records.

Today was Saturday and Mary Eunice wasn't so sure what to do. In her old job, she would've been working on Saturday with a short break to do things that she pleased. Now, as Jude's assistant, she wasn't sure if she had a break at all. Jude never seemed to. She crept out of her room early and walked into the hall, hoping that Jude would come out of her own room and tell her what she'd want from her that day. She'd given her no indication that she'd be needed or not. Mary Eunice was practically aching to go to the orphanage and begin her search for her adoption records, but she didn't want to disobey Sister Jude. She sighed, figuring she should just return to her own quarters and wait, but suddenly, Jude's door opened.

"Good morning Sister." Mary Eunice greeted nervously.

"Good morning." She smiled. "Its Saturday, isn't it?" Mary Eunice nodded. "Well then, its your day off."

"T-the whole day?"

"The whole day. Go do what you like. Do you have friends, family you'd like to visit?" Jude was dying to find out about this adoptive family and was trying to be somewhat subtle about it.

"N-no family, but there is something I want to do today."

"Do you drive?"

"Y-yes…."

"Good." Jude said, reaching inside her pocket and pulling out a chain full of clunky keys. Jude took off a single key and handed it to Mary Eunice. "But have the car back by sundown."

Without a word, Jude turned and left. Now she'd given her her car? Mary Eunice smiled, glad she wouldn't have to walk, catch a bus and then take another walk to get to the orphanage. What had she ever done to Sister Jude to deserve such favor and mercy?

…

"McKee, McKee, McKee…" Mary Eunice bit her lip as she began to go through the "M" files. She sat on her knees just where Jude had been several days before.

Sister Francis peered in through the window of the door, watching the unsuspecting young nun. Francis was a very suspicious woman anyway and found it odd that Jude and her personal assistant had both been there searching for records in the same cabinet days apart and she wondered what they were up to. Jude had told her she'd been there to do some research that would help a patient who'd been adopted out of that area, and Mary Eunice had confessed that she was searching for her own adoption records.

"I've gotta warn you, not everything's in there, kid." She Francis had explained, as she ushered Mary Eunice into the room.

"That's okay…I can try." She had said.

Mary Eunice used the front of her wrist to wipe away the tears that rolled out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She'd dreamed of doing this for years, but now that she was almost there: almost to her answer, her nerves were getting the better of her and she realized she was scared. Fear or not, she was also excited, and she couldn't wait to find out her mother's name.

'Mc…McA…McD…McL…McL?...Where in the world was McK?' Mary Eunice panicked and went back through the entire file cabinet again…there was no McK!...

"Sister Francis?" Mary Eunice asked, getting up when she was sure the McKee file was not there.

"Yes?"

"I don't see what I'm looking for, is there anywhere else that…"

"No. But I'll tell you this. If your adoption record was completed in this county…"

"Well it was…"

"Then it should be there unless of course it became part of your nun's file…" The grouchy old nun reassured. She walked down the hall leaving Mary Eunice standing there at her desk. She had more important things to attend to than the young orphaned nun.

"My nun file?" Mary Eunice asked, feeling as if she'd been struck in the face.

She'd seen it sitting on Sister Jude's desk just yesterday. Sister Jude's desk…she couldn't look through Sister Jude's desk. That would be dishonest, it would be betraying her trust…it would be soul settling…an answer to years of desperate longing…a direction down the right path….

'No, no…' Mary Eunice thought to herself. 'I can't do that…it would be wrong.' Defeated, Mary Eunice took the car key out of her pocket, pulled a few tissues out of the Kleenex box on Sister Francis' desk and headed back to the car. 'Oh no, not again.' She groaned, noting that it was beginning to rain outside and she didn't have an umbrella to shield herself from the pouring rain.


End file.
